Far Along: 24 weeks 5 days
Yummy Foods of the Week: Nothing, really. My appetite hasn’t been as crazy. I’m guessing it’s because there’s not a lot of room in there. Also, I can never decide what I want to eat.
How I’m Feeling: The further along I get, the more anxious and scared I become. Luckily, I feel the babies moving and know they are alive. I would love it if they constantly moved so I could be reassured all the time, but they need to rest, too.
Freak Out This Week: This week, we registered at Target. That’s the same place we registered for Caleb and I thought it might be hard for us. It wasn’t! I surprised myself with how well I handled it. But later in the week I registered for a breast feeding class at the hospital and it caused me major anxiety. Right before I lost Caleb, I went to a Baby Care class and on the hospital tour. Signing up on the same website and getting closer and closer to 31 weeks was hard. I remember getting the phone call to confirm our attendance in the remaining classes after he had died and having to explain to them what happened. So I cried a lot that night after I registered. Sometimes I have moments of absolute terror.
Best Moment this Week: There were a lot of great moments this week. First of all, we made it to 24 weeks, which means that my pregnancy is now “viable.” If the twins decide to come early, the doctors and nurses will do everything they can to help them survive.
My aunt bought us 2 car seats and a double stroller. They arrived today and my husband put them together. My nursing pillow also came today. It’s starting to feel real, like we might actually bring home babies sometime soon!
The very best moment was as I was shutting off all the lights and setting the alarm one night before bed. I could feel the babies moving and the thought that they were alive (despite anything else that could be wrong) made me so happy. There aren’t a lot of moments where I feel pure joy, but that was one of them. I am truly grateful.
Things Purchased for the Babies: Stroller, car seats, nursing pillow, and my cousin gave us a big bag of boy clothes. Our little boy has so many clothes, but our little girl only has a single onesie.
We have a name picked out for our son, but I am torn between two names for our daughter. However, we have decided that because we were able to do our FET with the funds from Harley for Hope, that our little boy will have the middle name Harley and our girl will have the middle name Hope.
I am already pretty huge. I look like I’m almost full term, if I were having one baby. It should be pretty crazy to see how big I get at the end.
My sister is planning and throwing my baby shower. I am so excited. Caleb never got to have a shower. It makes me sad, because it’s everyone’s chance to show excitement about the new baby and it’s just another thing he never got to do or have. We decided to have the shower on February 15, which is the day I found out Caleb no longer had a heartbeat. I’m hoping that it will make the worst day of my life a little bit better. The next day is Caleb’s first birthday in heaven. I’m trying to figure out what I would like to do to honor and remember him. I like the idea of chinese lanterns at the beach, but I need to look into it a little bit more. Maybe it will snow again this year.
Less than 3 months to go! I can’t wait to meet my rainbow babies.